I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
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