Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
