do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
