my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
