Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
