Jerry, you need to find god
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
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