He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
