I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
