If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
