i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
