when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Randomize
