OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
