Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
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