Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
