Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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