How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
