Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
