I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
