He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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