is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
