just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
