I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Randomize
