My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
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