It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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