Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
