Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
