I wish I could punch you in the face.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
