can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
