Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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