So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
