Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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