Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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