I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
