I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
