I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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