apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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