Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
