Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
