We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
