In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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