So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
