Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
