I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
