in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
you traded sex for a burrito?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
