I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Randomize
