and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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