Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
