if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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