like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
