I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
