Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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