he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
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