Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
