I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Randomize
