I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
My vagina is officially offended.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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