Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
