HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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